I have been dieting successfully for about 3 months now, and I don’t think I’ve gone this extreme on a cheat day so far.

So I had a bad week. Pretty stressful. It’s partly my fault, and it’s partly my luck. I have a shopping problem. And work this week was bad money wise. I did bad in tips and it stressed me out and pissed me off. On top of that, My gay-boy hormones weren’t doing me any better.

So what did I do today? I ATE EVERYTHING IN SIGHT.

I went to the swap meet. I ate 4 chickens on a stick. And then a churro.

And then, I bought cup of Soda at Target.

And then I bought a bottle of lemon Iced tea at Marshalls.

I ate some vietnamese noodles with my mom.

And then I had a McChicken, a Mcdouble and a cheddar swiss burger from McDonalds. All because I saw the new dollar menu and I was like, ooooooh what is that.

And then I went to Sonic with one of my guy friends who I used to have a crush on (We’ll say that I still do have a crush on him) and he fed me two Coney Island footlong hot dogs because they were free since he was fucking the girl who worked there (okay, it’s his girlfriend.)

I didnt’ finish the hot dogs. That was too salty for me.

I went home, and felt absolutely Bloated. I was feeling a lot better. I had some kind of human contact aside from customers and co-workers for once so I was pretty happy. Plus, I had my mini-couponing fix. That always makes things better.

But goodness. RIght now, I have gas like no other. Heavy farts and stuff. I know it’s TMI but I seriously haven’t had it this bad in a while. I haven’t felt this sluggish in a long time either. Also, I feel so full. Like gross full. This is the most food and calories I have consumed in a whole 5 day week.

And mind you-I haven’t had any soda, or any thing this high in sodium in a while. And I haven’t had this much grease in a long time either.

Suffice to say, I feel like shit.

But at the same time, I feel good. You know why???

Because this proves that my overall eating habits really have gotten better. I notice that on my cheat days, I don’t eat that much. I can’t eat that much any more. And I don’t crave for heavy things. I eat my little vietnamese noodle salads. But usually those are light. And it’s usually my big meal of the day. Which hardly dents my diet.

One of the biggest fears I had about dieting is not eating the foods that I loved.  I am a foodie. And after a couple of life-altering and tragic events that have happened in the past, food has become something I was dependent on. It was my comfort. I will be brave and admit that I was literally living to eat. It was my identity and I was afraid of losing my identity in dieting. I was living to eat. If I did diet, what would I do? Who would I be?

Well, it so happens that I haven’t lost who I was. I still like food. I appreciate flavors and textures and culture of food. But it doesn’t mean I need it every day. I’ve found new appreciation for things. I personally believe I look better now. Even people are starting to tell me I look different, in a good way.

I guess this diet is a new chapter in my life. I’m changing. For the better. And I’m happy. I’m proud. I can do things. And I can succeed.

It’s a good feeling.

I know I haven’t been updating too much on tumblr. I guess I’ve been preoccupied with things. I don’t know. I’m just lazy. But expect a little more from me in the future. I’m trying to re-invent myself. And I guess writing things down is apart of the progress!

-I’ve been really solitary lately. Since my new schedule all I do is go to work. Go home. Wake up and go to work. Go home wake up and go to work. I have like no life. And I feel super lazy all the damn time.

-As much as I listen to everyone’s problems, sometimes I wish I had someone to listen to my problems. But at the same time I don’t. Because I don’t like people getting the wrong idea about me. My problems are menial. And when I vent, I don’t want people getting the idea that I’m devastated over something stupid.

- Im finding it hard for me to find a romantic relationship with a Guy because I’m learning that I don’t have too much in common with many people. I don’t watch TV. And I don’t watch a lot of movies. My taste in books is very sporadic. That’s a lot of the conversation eliminated right there. I am also sporadic in my music tastes. At the same time I’m really picky with music. I also am very apathetic about a lot of things. I’m sort of an extremist, and I deliberately stay apathetic for my own safety.

Any how, its just hard for me. I’m not anti-social or anything. I’m fine with speaking to new people. I do it every day at work. But I just find its hard to find common ground with people these days. Like what do I talk about? All I do is coupon, go to work and look at designer stuff.

- I need to find a hobby. A less expensive hobby. That or I need to really address my sleeping pattern and get used to one where I sleep at night rather than staying up. It gets a little dangerous for me during the hours of 2am-4am. I have no one to talk to and I’m looking at clothes and shoes and wallets. I already fell victim to a couple things. Marc Jacobs suckered me into a shirt or two. Damn you Marc Jacobs!

- I haven’t been writing anything on this tumblr because I’ve been lazy. And I have nothing to talk about. I would post stuff about couponing but this isn’t a couponing blog, its my blog. But I still couoon nonetheless.

Well, this has been a post.

I need some sleep. I popped three sleeping pills and it still hasn’t hit. Ugh

Ugh. I haven’t posted in a while because I’m too lazy to write anything.

But ugh. I’m so jealous. all my friends are like dating and stuff. Me? I’m not even like active or anything. No social interaction. Or not with guys at least. I just go to work. Work out, go shopping thats it.

I hate how you have to go to a bar or a club to meet a Guy around here.

But whatever. I got better things in my life to worry about at least.

And I’ve some how afforded to buy myself a Gucci AND a Louis vuitton messenger bag.

See, I make mmyself happy. Best boyfriend in the world. Myself!