Eating away my emotions on a cheat day. What a disaster. But a good disaster.
I have been dieting successfully for about 3 months now, and I don’t think I’ve gone this extreme on a cheat day so far.
So I had a bad week. Pretty stressful. It’s partly my fault, and it’s partly my luck. I have a shopping problem. And work this week was bad money wise. I did bad in tips and it stressed me out and pissed me off. On top of that, My gay-boy hormones weren’t doing me any better.
So what did I do today? I ATE EVERYTHING IN SIGHT.
I went to the swap meet. I ate 4 chickens on a stick. And then a churro.
And then, I bought cup of Soda at Target.
And then I bought a bottle of lemon Iced tea at Marshalls.
I ate some vietnamese noodles with my mom.
And then I had a McChicken, a Mcdouble and a cheddar swiss burger from McDonalds. All because I saw the new dollar menu and I was like, ooooooh what is that.
And then I went to Sonic with one of my guy friends who I used to have a crush on (We’ll say that I still do have a crush on him) and he fed me two Coney Island footlong hot dogs because they were free since he was fucking the girl who worked there (okay, it’s his girlfriend.)
I didnt’ finish the hot dogs. That was too salty for me.
I went home, and felt absolutely Bloated. I was feeling a lot better. I had some kind of human contact aside from customers and co-workers for once so I was pretty happy. Plus, I had my mini-couponing fix. That always makes things better.
But goodness. RIght now, I have gas like no other. Heavy farts and stuff. I know it’s TMI but I seriously haven’t had it this bad in a while. I haven’t felt this sluggish in a long time either. Also, I feel so full. Like gross full. This is the most food and calories I have consumed in a whole 5 day week.
And mind you-I haven’t had any soda, or any thing this high in sodium in a while. And I haven’t had this much grease in a long time either.
Suffice to say, I feel like shit.
But at the same time, I feel good. You know why???
Because this proves that my overall eating habits really have gotten better. I notice that on my cheat days, I don’t eat that much. I can’t eat that much any more. And I don’t crave for heavy things. I eat my little vietnamese noodle salads. But usually those are light. And it’s usually my big meal of the day. Which hardly dents my diet.
One of the biggest fears I had about dieting is not eating the foods that I loved. I am a foodie. And after a couple of life-altering and tragic events that have happened in the past, food has become something I was dependent on. It was my comfort. I will be brave and admit that I was literally living to eat. It was my identity and I was afraid of losing my identity in dieting. I was living to eat. If I did diet, what would I do? Who would I be?
Well, it so happens that I haven’t lost who I was. I still like food. I appreciate flavors and textures and culture of food. But it doesn’t mean I need it every day. I’ve found new appreciation for things. I personally believe I look better now. Even people are starting to tell me I look different, in a good way.
I guess this diet is a new chapter in my life. I’m changing. For the better. And I’m happy. I’m proud. I can do things. And I can succeed.
It’s a good feeling.
I know I haven’t been updating too much on tumblr. I guess I’ve been preoccupied with things. I don’t know. I’m just lazy. But expect a little more from me in the future. I’m trying to re-invent myself. And I guess writing things down is apart of the progress!